I Live Without a “Box Around My Head”

As an Aspie, I live without a “box around my head”.

I see the world in black and white. For some, this may seem odd, but for me, it's simple. To me, there is much greatness with this clarity.

Being different or being a minority doesn't mean that one is deficient. I refuse to think that I'm deficient in the way I am born. It is just that I am different. As an Aspie, introvert and HSP, I function and flourish in different settings and environments than others.

Put me in a quiet place with plenty of nature and I am the happiest and most productive person. Put me in the city surrounded by loud noise, cars and crowds and I face burnout and sensory overload daily, becoming almost nonfunctional.

It's tough having to redo parts of your life, and sometimes, you can't and have to find a way to move on anyway.

There are many gifts in being an Aspie, HSP and Introvert. Many academicians and creatives are HSP and introverts, and people with Autism/Aspergers have come up with many innovative and thought-provoking ideas.

We all need each other. We are all essential and complementary.

I have been on a quest to live my life more authentically and let the world see me without the masks I've constructed for myself over the years to get by in an NT world. And I must admit, it's quite liberating.

#Aspie, #Neurodivergent

Unity Is My Personal Legend

The message of unity inspires me every single day. It is the driving force in my life and the reason I do what I do. Unity is my musical inspiration, my muse, and my personal legend.

This world is a truly beautiful and diverse place.

When we fall in love, we fall for the person they are inside. Race, religion, nationality or distance become irrelevant. And even as we move through life's journey, many of us may be forced apart from our loved ones. Yet love has the power to transcend all boundaries.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could all retain the innocence of children, where the color of one's skin, social status, or wealth didn't matter at all? Does growing older have to make us suspicious and intolerant of those different from us?

Unity is love.

As Leonard Bernstein eloquently stated, "This will be our reply to violence: to make music more intensely, more beautifully, more devotedly than ever before."

This is the message I carry in my heart - a message of #EastMeetsWest, #3rdCulture, and the transformative power of unity. It is the driving force behind all that I do, my personal legend that inspires me every single day.

#Unity

Buried Dreams - The Silent Agony

As children, we dream big with no limits. But as we grow up, we're told our dreams are unrealistic.

Many people end up burying their dreams, only to wake up later in life and realize this isn't the point of living. Tragically, some take these unfulfilled dreams to their graves.

As a child, I remember dreaming so big, with no limits. The world was my canvas, and I truly believed anything was possible. My dreams were pure and untainted.

But as I grew up, I started hearing that those dreams were naive, unrealistic - even childish. I was told to be "responsible," If I didn't prioritize financial success, I was labeled as selfish or immature.

Slowly, those buried dreams faded into the background.

It makes me sad to think this happens to so many of us. We wake up later in life, realizing this isn't the true purpose of living. Some manage to fulfill those buried dreams even in their 50s, 60s, or beyond - but the attempt is better than a deathbed of regret.

Those buried dreams eat away at our souls, decaying our spirit until they haunt our dreams and nightmares. It's truly tragic to think of all the people who will pass away with unfulfilled longings still weighing on their hearts.

The Solution

The key is learning to manifest our dreams early on, instead of just focusing on making a living. Imagine if everyone's buried dreams were supported and fulfilled - what an amazing world that would be! Less conflict, more progress.

The Bigger Picture

I wonder if wars and fights could be avoided if everyone focused on fulfilling their dreams, rather than creating borders and divisions. Can we achieve the buried dream of seeing the whole world as one, with no borders - just brothers and sisters sharing this planet?

It's time to unbury those dreams and make them a reality, don't you think?

#Vulnerable

I Haven’t Played the Piano for Years

I know this sounds ironic, but I haven’t played the piano for many, many years.

It’s really hard to believe and even harder to admit to myself. I used to play the piano every day after school when I was a child, as I was alone most of the time. The piano became my best friend every afternoon.

I would channel all my emotions into my piano playing, searching for piano pieces that resonated with what I was feeling.

I would play one piece after another, flipping from page to page, until all my emotions were fully expressed.

When I became a teenager, the piano was moved to my mother’s daycare center.

I started to struggle tremendously without my piano. Without my piano, where would all these emotions go to?

When I grew older, I got a keyboard. I used it to record all my songwriting demos. I would bring it with me everywhere I went, as I was constantly moving from place to place.

But, I barely touched it. Nothing beats the feeling of a wooden acoustic piano.

I hope to have my own little wooden acoustic piano one day. I really miss it.

#Vulnerable

A Full Circle Moment I Never Expected

I never thought I would see this come full circle in my lifetime.

I had initially planned to be a songwriter for other artists. But due to a twist of fate, I changed paths to become a singer-songwriter. The reason has to do with my strong belief in freedom of religion for all.

I believe that everybody should be able to freely practice their faith, religion and beliefs. I feel this beautiful and should be celebrated and respected.

Nobody should be forced to convert simply because of who they love and want to marry. And anyone should be allowed to leave a religion they do not feel aligned with, peacefully and with dignity.

When I composed "Katakanlah" in 2010, it was because I wanted to voice that everyone should be free to practice their religion and faith peacefully, with dignity and respect. I was saddened that something so beautiful, like recognizing that God is one, turned into a tool for separation and violence.

This compelled me to write "Katakanlah."

And that changed the trajectory of my career - from songwriter to singer-songwriter, with the encouragement of my newfound fans.

As the battle went on in the Malaysian courts. I was heartbroken. But 10 years later, to my surprise, I found that this rule has now been overturned. Who would have thought the reason I composed "Katakanlah" would come full circle in my lifetime?

To all Malaysians, we all deserve a place in our Tanahair, equally, as free and respected citizens.

Let's keep inspiring unity together.

Read the full article here: https://www.loyarburok.com/2013/01/06/katakanlah/

#Unity

Coping Strategies for an Autistic Life: Managing Sensory Overload and Burnout

As an Aspie, I've had to be proactive about managing my energy levels and sensory needs every day. Being diagnosed with Asperger's as an adult made me realize that I experience the world much more intensely - I feel, see, and hear things on a deeper level. This means I get easily overwhelmed and exhausted in social situations and noisy environments.

That's why having a solid daily routine and rituals is so important for me. They help keep me grounded, focused, and in a good mental and physical state. I wanted to share the strategies that work for me, in case they can help you too.

Morning Routine

My mornings set the tone for the rest of my day. I start the night before by ensuring I get to bed early. Then I wake up and take time for self-care, re-visit my plan for the day and have a nourishing smoothie. I also spend a lot of time organizing myself throughout the day, which helps with executive functioning.

Scheduling & Planning

I plan out my week in advance on Google Calendar, factoring in my sensory needs and social commitments. I then rewrite everything by hand in my paper planner (Hemlock & Oak Weekly). This helps me avoid over-scheduling and ensures I have enough breaks. I also minimize screen time as much as possible.

Journaling Writing

Writing down my thoughts, feelings, and gratitudes is incredibly therapeutic for me. It allows me to process my emotions, which can often go unnoticed due to my alexithymia. Journaling also helps me problem-solve when I'm feeling anxious or overwhelmed. I love using black Sharpie felt pens for this.

Sensory Regulation

Noise is my biggest sensory trigger, so I always carry my Bose noise-cancelling headphones. They're a lifesaver in overstimulating environments. I also find great comfort in certain scents, like jasmine and rose, which I carry with me. Plush robes and furry slippers also provide calming sensory input.

Nature & Movement

Connecting with nature through walks and hikes is essential for my wellbeing. I also love the rocking motion of swings and Pilates reformers - it builds strength and has a very soothing effect on me.

Exercise

Pilates reformers are a favorite activity as the rocking motions have a calming effect on me.

Digital Detox

I'm very sensitive to digital stimuli, so I'm intentional about limiting my screen time and exposure to EMFs. I wear blue-light blocking glasses and turn off WiFi, TVs, and other devices before bed. I unplug every weekend and keep my phone turned off every day. My dream is to live completely unplugged.

Self-Care

Prioritizing sleep, silent time, and a healthy diet are crucial for managing burnout. I make a cut-off time to end my work at 6pm every day. Connecting with nature is my ultimate reset button.

Finding ways to navigate my sensory needs has been life-changing. It's allowed me to stay grounded, productive, and socially engaged in a way that works for me.

I hope these strategies provide a helpful starting point for you as well.

Remember, there's no one-size-fits-all approach - it's about discovering what works best for your unique autistic experience.

#Aspie, #Neurodivergent

Thank You, Ulises

I am deeply moved by your powerful message. We need unity now more than ever before. To unity and beyond.

“If there's one thing we all can learn from AMIRAH, it's that no matter how rigorous or unforgiving this world can be we can still strive to become something more ambitious and greater than who we are today. We all come from different walks of life. Some of us come from South America, Malaysia, Europe, even those who are new to this group are from places where there's no such thing as a utopian society. In this group everyone is welcome. It doesn't matter if you have light skin or dark skin. We are here because we have one thing in common and that is to love our brothers and sisters. We will always welcome our comrades and treat them with the respect and dignity that they deserve. That is the dream we all have in our hearts. We will make sure that AMIRAH'S dreams will become a reality. She started this crusade with a purpose. It's our turn to make sure that her dreams are alive and well. We are her heart and soul and we will be there for her in this life and the next. TO UNITY AND PROSPERITY.”

#3rdCulture #Unity

Love is Our Birthright

Many of my songs touch on intercultural and interfaith relationships. Just as I believe that creating hybrid music helps foster unity, I also believe that love between people of diverse backgrounds accomplishes the same goal.

I get teary-eyed with joy when I see people of different cultural and religious identities come together, putting aside their differences to celebrate one another. I love witnessing how their multicultural children learn to respect and appreciate the diversity of cultures, often becoming fluent in multiple languages. I'm also in awe of how the blending of ethnic groups can produce such beautiful, unique features both physically and culturally.

I've seen firsthand the challenges that interfaith and intercultural couples face due to family or societal disapproval - and it breaks my heart every single time.

The freedom to love should be a universal birthright, not a privilege.

Love should unite us, not separate us.

Similar to music, I believe that love has the power to transcend all borders and bring us together.

I firmly believe that interfaith and intercultural relationships have the potential to create profound unity. We should be encouraging and celebrating these unions, not discouraging them. There is no place for forced religious or gender conversion in this day and age.

Love is love, and unity is love - and we need a lot more of it.

Everyone should have the freedom to love and be loved, regardless of culture, religion, ethnicity, gender, class, or economic status. The freedom to love is our birthright. Antiquated laws and societal pressures should not dictate whom we can give our hearts to.

Love is our birthright.

#3rdCulture #Unity #Vulnerable

My Sensory-Rich World

Feeling every whisper and breeze, I'm often overwhelmed by life's constant noise.

As someone with Aspergers, my senses are extremely sensitive. It's like seeing and hearing everything in 4D, all the time.

While social interactions can be tough for me as an autistic person, my unique perspective brings strengths like attention to detail and deep focus on my interests. However, unaesthetic visuals, loud noises, strong smells, uncomfortable textures, bright lights, and excessive socialization can be Kryptonite to my Central Processing Unit (my brain).

I have a love-hate relationship with sounds. As a songwriter, I find great joy and inspiration in working with different sounds. However, there are times when certain noises can be truly draining for me. I've come to recognize two distinct categories of sounds in my experience. On one hand, there are sounds that bring me a sense of joy and relaxation, like the captivating music from my Gamelan classes. These are the sounds that energize and rejuvenate me. On the other hand, there are sounds, such as mechanical noises, that can feel utterly overwhelming and disruptive. These are the types of sounds that tend to drain my energy and leave me feeling unsettled. It's an intricate balance, but learning to navigate this love-hate relationship with sounds has been an important part of my journey as a neurodivergent artist.

Being highly sensitive to sensory input is often seen as a weakness, but I believe it's actually a gift for autistic individuals like myself.. It enables me to think outside the box and perceive things that others might miss. I also find solace and inspiration in solitude and silence, which is where I truly thrive. However, the sensory overload can be debilitating, leaving me with headaches and a feeling of impending panic.

Despite the challenges, I still manage to overcome the struggles and pick myself up again. A little silence might help do the trick and calm me down. Additionally, here are 10 personal tips that may help you whenever you find yourself in a similar situation:

1. Go to a quiet place. Remove yourself from overwhelming sensory input.

2. Do not suppress your emotions. Cry if you need to release the built-up tension.

3. Do not be afraid to seek help or accommodations when you're feeling overwhelmed.

4. Take time to enjoy your special interests - they can be soothing and restorative.

5. Schedule periods of doing absolutely nothing to allow your mind to rest and recharge.

6. Prioritize taking regular naps to help manage sensory fatigue.

7. Plan your schedule a week or month ahead to avoid back-to-back sensory/social activities.

8. Unplug for a full day, weekend, or even a week to give your senses a much-needed break.

9. Unsubscribe, remove notifications, and streamline communication to one platform, like email.

10. Avoid crowded places and background music when possible to minimize sensory overload.

I hope this provides a glimpse into the daily life of an Aspie. I know it's a lot of work, but it's a choice I don't have. Many people are unaware of how much we strive to appear "normal." Regardless, I am proud and happy to have Aspergers, and I truly love myself for it - gifts, flaws, and all.

#Aspie #Neurodivergent

World Speech Day: Unity is the Way of the Future

Thank you to World Speech Day Kuala Lumpur and CV+ for the incredible opportunity to speak and share my thoughts on this important topic.

The Beauty of Brown Skin

I was born with brown skin. As a young girl, I didn't think twice about my skin color. But as I grew older, I began to develop negative feelings about how I looked because fair skin is highly desired and considered more attractive in much of Asia. This was confusing and made me feel bad about something that was beyond my control.

At school, friends would call me "hitam manis", which means "sweet, dark-skinned," and would hold up their arms next to mine and marvel at how much lighter their skin was. Feeling increasingly insecure about my appearance, I got to the point where I would rub baby powder into my skin, trying to lighten it.

The beauty standards promoted in Asian media, where Western ideals of fair skin are celebrated, only exacerbated my insecurities. The beauty marketers in these countries mostly push women to lighten their skin, not men, since it's women who are regularly judged on their looks and physical appearance.

Men with lighter skin also are seen as more attractive and desirable than their dark-skinned counterparts by much of the female public. I can't help but wonder how many more women and girls would benefit from movies that feature females with dark skin. There are so many beautiful and talented dark-skinned women, so why don't we see more of them up on the screen? Embracing diversity and putting more dark-skinned women in films would go a long way toward changing antiquated views of what it means to be beautiful and desirable.

We are beautiful just the way we are, regardless of our skin color. I hope that by sharing my story, I can inspire others to embrace the unique beauty of their brown skin and not let societal pressures dictate how they should feel about themselves.

#3rdCulture #Vulnerable

Alien in a Neurotypical World: One Aspie's Story of Finding Belonging

Feeling like an alien from another planet. That is how I have always felt my whole life.

I've always felt misunderstood. Not sometimes, but always, and for a long time, I didn't know why.

Growing up, I felt awkward and out of place.

I excelled academically, but I didn't enjoy school. I didn't like crowds or noise. I just didn't fit in. I had a really tough time understanding the people around me. I felt like an alien on another planet.

Books were my constant companion, blocking out the noise, people, and confusion. I carried them everywhere - to family gatherings, the store, school, in the car. With books, I could be myself.

When I finally found out I have Asperger's as an adult, it felt like someone had switched on the lights for me. I felt a huge sense of relief and was finally able to understand and know myself. Although, there were nights where I would cry uncontrollably at the thought that nobody would ever be able to understand me.

I am blessed to have close friends now, and I've also been lucky to meet other Aspie friends who do understand me. It has been a very long journey, but finally, I have come to accept myself for who I am and love myself for me.

"Be your unapologetically weird self." - Chris Sacca

#Unity #Neurodivergent

Emotions Are Meant To Be Felt.

Feeling one's emotions, fully and honestly, is becoming more and more uncommon nowadays. We self-medicate ourselves with distractions and addictions in order to not feel something we do not want to feel eg. loneliness, love, pain, loss and sadness.

Running away from our emotions can be detrimental to our mental health.

It is important to acknowledge and feel what we truly feel emotionally and find ways to express it in healthy ways. That way it does get bottled up and repressed. This can cause one to participate in unhealthy emotional expressions such as rage, violence and self-harm.

Emotions are meant to be felt. It is part of being human.

For the longest time, I was constantly running away from the feeling that "I was not good enough" and that "I was not successful enough". I would constantly keep myself busy by doing more work to "fix" this negative feeling of mine. However, it only got worse that way. It was only when I started to spend more time by loving myself, giving myself the rest I needed, time to focus on other aspects of my life other than work, setting boundaries to stop working, that I slowly started to feel more "successful" and happy with myself. I started to slowly feel that I am enough with all my imperfections and all the things that I have "not yet achieved."

a) What is one emotion that you constantly keep running away from? What is it that you do not want to feel?

b) How can you give yourself the feelings that you want to feel today? Eg. I want to feel loved so I will treat myself to my favourite drink and create a feeling of love for myself. Eg. I do not want to feel lonely so I will journal and attend a Zoom online Meetup to create the feeling of connection for myself.

#Vulnerable

Is Social Media or AI Our New "Friend"?

We reach out to social media or AI when we...

• Need answers.

• Feel confused.

• Feel lonely.

• Feel bored.

• Want to avoid conflict.

• Want to learn something new.

• Want to know what our friends are up to.

• Need to vent our anger.

• Need therapy.

• Find answers to the big questions of life.

What does this say about us?

#Vulnerable

An Artiste

"Endures negative feedback.

Takes risks on a regular basis.

Does not create to satiate the audience but themselves.

Creates because they need to.

Works without the audience in mind.

Knows that they will oftentimes be ahead of the audience.

Knows to ignore their most vocal critics. It's usually more about the person who is criticizing than the work.

Knows the audience has expectations, but is not concerned with fulfilling them.

Is willing to go broke.

Knows the more you know, the longer you've been doing it, the harder it gets, even though you are that much more skilled.

Realizes that putting one's foot in the pool is the first step and most people are unwilling to do this.

Is willing to learn.

Knows that inspiration creates the best work, but that sometimes creation begets inspiration. In other words, once you grease the wheels you might be inspired to do something great.

Knows that those who respond first are the ones to be most ignored.

Knows they are not a brand. Brands are consistent, artists are not.

Needs to grow. Once they stop doing this, they're dead.

Gets frustrated but carries on.

Gets angry but doesn't respond.

Knows the most ardent supporters are those who are silent.

Finishes.

Is savvy enough to know they are not always the best judge of their work.

Has to create or they risk depression.

Is internalized. At best they can relate to another artist.

Is a member of a separate tribe. The public can appreciate the work, but can never really understand the germ of creation. At best the artist can relate to other artists.

Speaks through their work.

Their work needs no explanation, it stands on its own.

Is willing to change. The greats reinvent, the middling class rests on their laurels.

Is challenging their audience on a regular basis, if they're not getting a mix of feedback, both positive and negative, they're not doing it right.

Knows that execution is secondary to inspiration. Just because you completed it, that does not mean it's art.

Is gobbling up information in their field. Not so much to suss out the competition, but to marinate in the artistic field in which they endeavor. Writers read. Painters go to galleries. Musicians listen to music.

Knows that art is viewed in a context. And that by challenging the context people oftentimes can't understand what you're doing and castigate it.

Knows that if you listen to all the feedback you'll be unable to create at all.

Their best work is done when they're in a zone. It can't be artificially created, it's something you feel, not something you can explain."

- Bob Lefsetz

#Vulnerable

Navigating the Spectrum of Emotions

Many of us are more isolated than ever. Because of this, we've had a lot more time by ourselves.

You've probably faced some unfamiliar experiences during these times.

Some may be pleasant and some uncomfortable...

• Noticing the birds chirping in the morning for the first time.

• Turning to constant distractions like TV or music to avoid our own thoughts.

• Constantly searching for ways to "kill time," questioning why we are trying to “kill time” in the first place.

• Experiencing panic attacks for the first time.

• Facing resurfaced emotions from something that occurred years or decades ago…

• Obsessively organizing and rearranging our living spaces.

• Feeling accomplished by our homemade meals, even if they don't taste perfect.

• Indulging in comfort foods like pasta for breakfast.

• Feeling the release of uncontrollable crying

You are courageous for facing these unfamiliar waters.

All your experiences and sensations are important and valid.

You are not alone.

#Vulnerable

I Hyperfocus Therefore I Am

NT: No work after 6 pm today. Do something relaxing.

Me: Okay.

(The next day.)

NT: What did you do last night?

Me: I watched personal development videos.

NT: I thought I said relaxing.

Me: But it is relaxing for me.

NT: (Slaps forehead) Come on, let's try this again. Stop working and eat this meal I prepared for you now.

Me: Okay, just give me one more minute to finish up this task.

(Three hours later.)

NT: Did you end up eating the meal I made for you?

Me: Uh, one more minute...

#Aspie #Neurodivergent

Confessions of a Social Escapist

Words that immediately make me start planning my escape route:

• Socializing

• Networking

• Weddings

• Large family gatherings

What about you?

#Aspie #Neurodivergent

Shhh...I'm Eating: Managing Sensory Overload in Restaurants

Me at a restaurant:

Me: (To the waiter) Can you bring all my dishes out at once with the check? You don’t need to come by my table anymore. I’ll let you know if I need anything else, deal? And can you turn down the music, too? I’ll leave you a big tip.

Waiter: You sure make my job easy.

#Aspie #Neurodivergent

Rearranging the Doctor's Office: Confessions of an Aspie in the Waiting Room

Psychologist: Would it have bothered you if the water feature in the waiting room had been turned on?

Me: (Thinking to myself) How does she know what I'm thinking???

Psychologist: Does this tabletop look okay to you?

Me: Well, since you asked... I think the printer should go a little more to the left, the stack of books a couple inches to the right. I'd move the black bowl next to the Buddha statue, and maybe move the candle out in front of them. I'd also rearrange the flowers in the vase and then move it over there. (Starts to stand up) Actually, why don't I just do it for you since I'm here?

Psychologist: (Clears throat) No, thank you, that won't be necessary. Please sit down. (Scribbles notes in her pad)

Me: (Feels a deep sinking feeling, realizing the possible revelation)

#Aspie #Neurodivergent