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I Don’t Have To Mask With Music
As an autistic person, I often face situations where I feel I am misunderstood.
This is why I sometimes feel that music is the only thing that truly understands me. With music, I am able to seek the emotional understanding I am seeking for.
When I am down, I would listen to Edward Elgar's Cello Concerto on repeat, following every note as the music went along as if my heart depended on it. I would feel like I understood every note, every word and every emotion in the piece.
The feeling of "being understood" by music is also what drove me to start songwriting and composing.
There is a deep feeling of fulfilment and connection that washes over me when a melody I hear that has been playing over and over again in my mind is finally turned to a piece of music.
Many times when I am heartbroken, I would turn to songwriting and spend hours listening back to the song I wrote, and finally feeling understood.
#Neurodivergent, #Aspie
As an autistic person, I often face situations where I feel I am misunderstood.
This is why I sometimes feel that music is the only thing that truly understands me. With music, I am able to seek the emotional understanding I am seeking for.
When I am down, I would listen to Edward Elgar's Cello Concerto on repeat, following every note as the music went along as if my heart depended on it. I would feel like I understood every note, every word and every emotion in the piece.
The feeling of "being understood" by music is also what drove me to start songwriting and composing.
There is a deep feeling of fulfilment and connection that washes over me when a melody I hear that has been playing over and over again in my mind is finally turned to a piece of music.
Many times when I am heartbroken, I would turn to songwriting and spend hours listening back to the song I wrote, and finally feeling understood.
#Aspie, #Neurodivergent, #Vulnerable
Buried Dreams - The Silent Agony
Buried Dream
As children, we dream big with no limits. But as we grow up, we're told our dreams are unrealistic. The focus shifts from passion to just making money.
Many people end up burying their dreams, only to wake up later in life and realize this isn't the point of living. Tragically, some take these unfulfilled dreams to their graves.
As a child, I remember dreaming so big, with no limits. The world was my canvas, and I truly believed anything was possible. My dreams were pure and untainted.
But as I grew up, I started hearing that those dreams were naive, unrealistic - even childish. I was told to be "responsible," to focus on making money above all else. The narrative shifted from dreaming big to just making a living. If I didn't prioritize financial success, I was labeled as selfish or immature.
Slowly, those buried dreams faded into the background. It makes me sad to think this happens to so many of us. We wake up later in life, realizing this isn't the true purpose of living. Some manage to fulfill those buried dreams even in their 50s, 60s, or beyond - but the attempt is better than a deathbed of regret.
Those buried dreams eat away at our souls, decaying our spirit until they haunt our dreams and nightmares. It's truly tragic to think of all the people who will pass away with unfulfilled longings still weighing on their hearts.
The Solution
The key is learning to manifest our dreams early on, instead of just focusing on making a living. Imagine if everyone's buried dreams were supported and fulfilled - what an amazing world that would be! Less conflict, more progress.
The Bigger Picture
I wonder if wars and fights could be avoided if everyone focused on fulfilling their dreams, rather than creating borders and divisions. Can we achieve the buried dream of seeing the whole world as one, with no borders - just brothers and sisters sharing this planet?
It's time to unbury those dreams and make them a reality, don't you think?
As children, we dream big with no limits. But as we grow up, we're told our dreams are unrealistic.
Many people end up burying their dreams, only to wake up later in life and realize this isn't the point of living. Tragically, some take these unfulfilled dreams to their graves.
As a child, I remember dreaming so big, with no limits. The world was my canvas, and I truly believed anything was possible. My dreams were pure and untainted.
But as I grew up, I started hearing that those dreams were naive, unrealistic - even childish. I was told to be "responsible," If I didn't prioritize financial success, I was labeled as selfish or immature.
Slowly, those buried dreams faded into the background.
It makes me sad to think this happens to so many of us. We wake up later in life, realizing this isn't the true purpose of living. Some manage to fulfill those buried dreams even in their 50s, 60s, or beyond - but the attempt is better than a deathbed of regret.
Those buried dreams eat away at our souls, decaying our spirit until they haunt our dreams and nightmares. It's truly tragic to think of all the people who will pass away with unfulfilled longings still weighing on their hearts.
The Solution
The key is learning to manifest our dreams early on, instead of just focusing on making a living. Imagine if everyone's buried dreams were supported and fulfilled - what an amazing world that would be! Less conflict, more progress.
The Bigger Picture
I wonder if wars and fights could be avoided if everyone focused on fulfilling their dreams, rather than creating borders and divisions. Can we achieve the buried dream of seeing the whole world as one, with no borders - just brothers and sisters sharing this planet?
It's time to unbury those dreams and make them a reality, don't you think?
#Vulnerable
I Haven’t Played the Piano for Years
I know this sounds ironic, but I haven’t played the piano for many, many years.
It’s really hard to believe and even harder to admit to myself. I used to play the piano every day after school when I was a child, as I was alone most of the time. The piano became my best friend every afternoon.
I would channel all my emotions into my piano playing, searching for piano pieces that resonated with what I was feeling.
I would play one piece after another, flipping from page to page, until all my emotions were fully expressed.
When I became a teenager, the piano was moved to my mother’s daycare center.
I started to struggle tremendously without my piano. Without my piano, where would all these emotions go to?
When I grew older, I got a keyboard. I used it to record all my songwriting demos. I would bring it with me everywhere I went, as I was constantly moving from place to place.
But, I barely touched it. Nothing beats the feeling of a wooden acoustic piano.
I hope to have my own little wooden acoustic piano one day. I really miss it.
#Vulnerable
I know this sounds ironic, but I haven’t played the piano for many, many years.
It’s really hard to believe and even harder to admit to myself. I used to play the piano every day after school when I was a child, as I was alone most of the time. The piano became my best friend every afternoon.
I would channel all my emotions into my piano playing, searching for piano pieces that resonated with what I was feeling.
I would play one piece after another, flipping from page to page, until all my emotions were fully expressed.
When I became a teenager, the piano was moved to my mother’s daycare center.
I started to struggle tremendously without my piano. Without my piano, where would all these emotions go to?
When I grew older, I got a keyboard. I used it to record all my songwriting demos. I would bring it with me everywhere I went, as I was constantly moving from place to place.
But, I barely touched it. Nothing beats the feeling of a wooden acoustic piano.
I hope to have my own little wooden acoustic piano one day. I really miss it.
#Vulnerable
How a Guitar Cover Reignited Memories of My Songwriting Journey
Listening to this guitar arrangement of a song I composed and wrote called "Alone Again" by Josh Hana evoked a lot of old memories…
Listening to this guitar arrangement of a song I composed and wrote called "Alone Again" by Josh Hana evoked a lot of old memories in my mind.
When I started my career as a singer-songwriter, I was still confused about which songs truly represented me as an artist, and which ones should be for other artists. It was tricky, since I had composed and written them all myself. They all sounded so different from each other, jumping between pop and world music. How could I know which one represented me and which one did not? I was at a loss. It took me many years of soul searching to figure it out.
When I listened to this guitar arrangement of my song "Alone Again", I felt super touched.
Thank you for the great arrangement and playing, Josh Hana!
PS. If you know of any artist who may be interested in this song, email management@amirah360.com for the full demo.
Love is Our Birthright
Many of my songs touch on intercultural and interfaith relationships. Just as I believe that creating hybrid music helps foster unity, I also believe that love between people of diverse backgrounds accomplishes the same goal.
I get teary-eyed with joy when I see people of different cultural and religious identities come together, putting aside their differences to celebrate one another. I love witnessing how their multicultural children learn to respect and appreciate the diversity of cultures, often becoming fluent in multiple languages. I'm also in awe of how the blending of ethnic groups can produce such beautiful, unique features both physically and culturally.
I've seen firsthand the challenges that interfaith and intercultural couples face due to family or societal disapproval - and it breaks my heart every single time.
The freedom to love should be a universal birthright, not a privilege.
Love should unite us, not separate us.
Similar to music, I believe that love has the power to transcend all borders and bring us together.
I firmly believe that interfaith and intercultural relationships have the potential to create profound unity. We should be encouraging and celebrating these unions, not discouraging them. There is no place for forced religious or gender conversion in this day and age.
Love is love, and unity is love - and we need a lot more of it.
Everyone should have the freedom to love and be loved, regardless of culture, religion, ethnicity, gender, class, or economic status. The freedom to love is our birthright. Antiquated laws and societal pressures should not dictate whom we can give our hearts to.
Love is our birthright.
#Unity
Many of my songs touch on intercultural and interfaith relationships. Just as I believe that creating hybrid music helps foster unity, I also believe that love between people of diverse backgrounds accomplishes the same goal.
I get teary-eyed with joy when I see people of different cultural and religious identities come together, putting aside their differences to celebrate one another. I love witnessing how their multicultural children learn to respect and appreciate the diversity of cultures, often becoming fluent in multiple languages. I'm also in awe of how the blending of ethnic groups can produce such beautiful, unique features both physically and culturally.
I've seen firsthand the challenges that interfaith and intercultural couples face due to family or societal disapproval - and it breaks my heart every single time.
The freedom to love should be a universal birthright, not a privilege.
Love should unite us, not separate us.
Similar to music, I believe that love has the power to transcend all borders and bring us together.
I firmly believe that interfaith and intercultural relationships have the potential to create profound unity. We should be encouraging and celebrating these unions, not discouraging them. There is no place for forced religious or gender conversion in this day and age.
Love is love, and unity is love - and we need a lot more of it.
Everyone should have the freedom to love and be loved, regardless of culture, religion, ethnicity, gender, class, or economic status. The freedom to love is our birthright. Antiquated laws and societal pressures should not dictate whom we can give our hearts to.
Love is our birthright.
#3rdCulture #Unity #Vulnerable
The Beauty of Brown Skin
I was born with brown skin. As a young girl, I didn't think twice about my skin color. But as I grew older, I began to develop negative feelings about how I looked because fair skin is highly desired and considered more attractive in much of Asia. This was confusing and made me feel bad about something that was beyond my control.
At school, friends would call me "hitam manis", which means "sweet, dark-skinned," and would hold up their arms next to mine and marvel at how much lighter their skin was. Feeling increasingly insecure about my appearance, I got to the point where I would rub baby powder into my skin, trying to lighten it.
The beauty standards promoted in Asian media, where Western ideals of fair skin are celebrated, only exacerbated my insecurities. The beauty marketers in these countries mostly push women to lighten their skin, not men, since it's women who are regularly judged on their looks and physical appearance.
Men with lighter skin also are seen as more attractive and desirable than their dark-skinned counterparts by much of the female public. I can't help but wonder how many more women and girls would benefit from movies that feature females with dark skin. There are so many beautiful and talented dark-skinned women, so why don't we see more of them up on the screen? Embracing diversity and putting more dark-skinned women in films would go a long way toward changing antiquated views of what it means to be beautiful and desirable.
We are beautiful just the way we are, regardless of our skin color. I hope that by sharing my story, I can inspire others to embrace the unique beauty of their brown skin and not let societal pressures dictate how they should feel about themselves.
I was born with brown skin. As a young girl, I didn't think twice about my skin color. But as I grew older, I began to develop negative feelings about how I looked because fair skin is highly desired and considered more attractive in much of Asia. This was confusing and made me feel bad about something that was beyond my control.
At school, friends would call me "hitam manis", which means "sweet, dark-skinned," and would hold up their arms next to mine and marvel at how much lighter their skin was. Feeling increasingly insecure about my appearance, I got to the point where I would rub baby powder into my skin, trying to lighten it.
The beauty standards promoted in Asian media, where Western ideals of fair skin are celebrated, only exacerbated my insecurities. The beauty marketers in these countries mostly push women to lighten their skin, not men, since it's women who are regularly judged on their looks and physical appearance.
Men with lighter skin also are seen as more attractive and desirable than their dark-skinned counterparts by much of the female public. I can't help but wonder how many more women and girls would benefit from movies that feature females with dark skin. There are so many beautiful and talented dark-skinned women, so why don't we see more of them up on the screen? Embracing diversity and putting more dark-skinned women in films would go a long way toward changing antiquated views of what it means to be beautiful and desirable.
We are beautiful just the way we are, regardless of our skin color. I hope that by sharing my story, I can inspire others to embrace the unique beauty of their brown skin and not let societal pressures dictate how they should feel about themselves.
#3rdCulture #Vulnerable
Emotions Are Meant To Be Felt.
Feeling one's emotions, fully and honestly, is becoming more and more uncommon nowadays. We self-medicate ourselves with distractions and addictions in order to not feel something we do not want to feel eg. loneliness, love, pain, loss and sadness.
Running away from our emotions can be detrimental to our mental health.
It is important to acknowledge and feel what we truly feel emotionally and find ways to express it in healthy ways. That way it does get bottled up and repressed. This can cause one to participate in unhealthy emotional expressions such as rage, violence and self-harm.
Emotions are meant to be felt. It is part of being human.
For the longest time, I was constantly running away from the feeling that "I was not good enough" and that "I was not successful enough". I would constantly keep myself busy by doing more work to "fix" this negative feeling of mine. However, it only got worse that way. It was only when I started to spend more time by loving myself, giving myself the rest I needed, time to focus on other aspects of my life other than work, setting boundaries to stop working, that I slowly started to feel more "successful" and happy with myself. I started to slowly feel that I am enough with all my imperfections and all the things that I have "not yet achieved."
a) What is one emotion that you constantly keep running away from? What is it that you do not want to feel?
b) How can you give yourself the feelings that you want to feel today? Eg. I want to feel loved so I will treat myself to my favourite drink and create a feeling of love for myself. Eg. I do not want to feel lonely so I will journal and attend a Zoom online Meetup to create the feeling of connection for myself.
Have a good weekend everyone.
Feeling one's emotions, fully and honestly, is becoming more and more uncommon nowadays. We self-medicate ourselves with distractions and addictions in order to not feel something we do not want to feel eg. loneliness, love, pain, loss and sadness.
Running away from our emotions can be detrimental to our mental health.
It is important to acknowledge and feel what we truly feel emotionally and find ways to express it in healthy ways. That way it does get bottled up and repressed. This can cause one to participate in unhealthy emotional expressions such as rage, violence and self-harm.
Emotions are meant to be felt. It is part of being human.
For the longest time, I was constantly running away from the feeling that "I was not good enough" and that "I was not successful enough". I would constantly keep myself busy by doing more work to "fix" this negative feeling of mine. However, it only got worse that way. It was only when I started to spend more time by loving myself, giving myself the rest I needed, time to focus on other aspects of my life other than work, setting boundaries to stop working, that I slowly started to feel more "successful" and happy with myself. I started to slowly feel that I am enough with all my imperfections and all the things that I have "not yet achieved."
a) What is one emotion that you constantly keep running away from? What is it that you do not want to feel?
b) How can you give yourself the feelings that you want to feel today? Eg. I want to feel loved so I will treat myself to my favourite drink and create a feeling of love for myself. Eg. I do not want to feel lonely so I will journal and attend a Zoom online Meetup to create the feeling of connection for myself.
#Vulnerable
Is Social Media or AI Our New "Friend"?
We reach out to social media when we feel lonely.
When we feel bored.
When we want to learn something new.
When we want to know what our friends are up to.
When we need to vent because we are angry.
When we need therapy.
We quickly search on Google when we have questions in life that we cannot find the answer for.
What does that say about us?
We reach out to social media or AI when we...
Need answers.
Feel confused.
Feel lonely.
Feel bored.
Want to avoid conflict.
Want to learn something new.
Want to know what our friends are up to.
Need to vent our anger.
Need therapy.
Find answers to the big questions of life.
What does this say about us?
#Vulnerable
An Artiste
"Endures negative feedback.
Takes risks on a regular basis.
Does not create to satiate the audience but themselves.
Creates because they need to.
Works without the audience in mind.
Knows that they will oftentimes be ahead of the audience.
Knows to ignore their most vocal critics. It's usually more about the person who is criticizing than the work.
Knows the audience has expectations, but is not concerned with fulfilling them.
Is willing to go broke.
Knows the more you know, the longer you've been doing it, the harder it gets, even though you are that much more skilled.
Realizes that putting one's foot in the pool is the first step and most people are unwilling to do this.
Is willing to learn.
Knows that inspiration creates the best work, but that sometimes creation begets inspiration. In other words, once you grease the wheels you might be inspired to do something great.
Knows that those who respond first are the ones to be most ignored.
Knows they are not a brand. Brands are consistent, artists are not.
Needs to grow. Once they stop doing this, they're dead.
Gets frustrated but carries on.
Gets angry but doesn't respond.
Knows the most ardent supporters are those who are silent.
Finishes.
Is savvy enough to know they are not always the best judge of their work.
Has to create or they risk depression.
Is internalized. At best they can relate to another artist.
Is a member of a separate tribe. The public can appreciate the work, but can never really understand the germ of creation. At best the artist can relate to other artists.
Speaks through their work.
Their work needs no explanation, it stands on its own.
Is willing to change. The greats reinvent, the middling class rests on their laurels.
Is challenging their audience on a regular basis, if they're not getting a mix of feedback, both positive and negative, they're not doing it right.
Knows that execution is secondary to inspiration. Just because you completed it, that does not mean it's art.
Is gobbling up information in their field. Not so much to suss out the competition, but to marinate in the artistic field in which they endeavor. Writers read. Painters go to galleries. Musicians listen to music.
Knows that art is viewed in a context. And that by challenging the context people oftentimes can't understand what you're doing and castigate it.
Knows that if you listen to all the feedback you'll be unable to create at all.
Their best work is done when they're in a zone. It can't be artificially created, it's something you feel, not something you can explain."
Bob Lefsetz
"Endures negative feedback.
Takes risks on a regular basis.
Does not create to satiate the audience but themselves.
Creates because they need to.
Works without the audience in mind.
Knows that they will oftentimes be ahead of the audience.
Knows to ignore their most vocal critics. It's usually more about the person who is criticizing than the work.
Knows the audience has expectations, but is not concerned with fulfilling them.
Is willing to go broke.
Knows the more you know, the longer you've been doing it, the harder it gets, even though you are that much more skilled.
Realizes that putting one's foot in the pool is the first step and most people are unwilling to do this.
Is willing to learn.
Knows that inspiration creates the best work, but that sometimes creation begets inspiration. In other words, once you grease the wheels you might be inspired to do something great.
Knows that those who respond first are the ones to be most ignored.
Knows they are not a brand. Brands are consistent, artists are not.
Needs to grow. Once they stop doing this, they're dead.
Gets frustrated but carries on.
Gets angry but doesn't respond.
Knows the most ardent supporters are those who are silent.
Finishes.
Is savvy enough to know they are not always the best judge of their work.
Has to create or they risk depression.
Is internalized. At best they can relate to another artist.
Is a member of a separate tribe. The public can appreciate the work, but can never really understand the germ of creation. At best the artist can relate to other artists.
Speaks through their work.
Their work needs no explanation, it stands on its own.
Is willing to change. The greats reinvent, the middling class rests on their laurels.
Is challenging their audience on a regular basis, if they're not getting a mix of feedback, both positive and negative, they're not doing it right.
Knows that execution is secondary to inspiration. Just because you completed it, that does not mean it's art.
Is gobbling up information in their field. Not so much to suss out the competition, but to marinate in the artistic field in which they endeavor. Writers read. Painters go to galleries. Musicians listen to music.
Knows that art is viewed in a context. And that by challenging the context people oftentimes can't understand what you're doing and castigate it.
Knows that if you listen to all the feedback you'll be unable to create at all.
Their best work is done when they're in a zone. It can't be artificially created, it's something you feel, not something you can explain."
- Bob Lefsetz
#Vulnerable
Navigating the Spectrum of Emotions
Many of us are more isolated than ever. Because of this, we've had a lot more time by ourselves.
You've probably faced some unfamiliar experiences during these times.
Some may be pleasant and some uncomfortable...
Noticing the birds chirping in the morning for the first time.
Turning to constant distractions like TV or music to avoid our own thoughts.
Constantly searching for ways to "kill time," questioning why we are trying to “kill time” in the first place.
Experiencing panic attacks for the first time.
Facing resurfaced emotions from something that occurred years or decades ago…
Obsessively organizing and rearranging our living spaces.
Feeling accomplished by our homemade meals, even if they don't taste perfect.
Indulging in comfort foods like pasta for breakfast.
Feeling the release of uncontrollable crying
You are courageous for facing these unfamiliar waters.
All your experiences and sensations are important and valid.
You are not alone.
Many of us are more isolated than ever. Because of this, we've had a lot more time by ourselves.
You've probably faced some unfamiliar experiences during these times.
Some may be pleasant and some uncomfortable...
Noticing the birds chirping in the morning for the first time.
Turning to constant distractions like TV or music to avoid our own thoughts.
Constantly searching for ways to "kill time," questioning why we are trying to “kill time” in the first place.
Experiencing panic attacks for the first time.
Facing resurfaced emotions from something that occurred years or decades ago…
Obsessively organizing and rearranging our living spaces.
Feeling accomplished by our homemade meals, even if they don't taste perfect.
Indulging in comfort foods like pasta for breakfast.
Feeling the release of uncontrollable crying
You are courageous for facing these unfamiliar waters.
All your experiences and sensations are important and valid.
You are not alone.
#Vulnerable
Honesty Makes Decision Making So. Much. Easier.
Honesty makes decision making so - much - easier.
Honesty makes life simple.
Honesty makes things less complicated.
Honesty avoids unnecessary miscommunication.
Honesty helps build truthful, deep connections.
Honesty makes decision making so. much. easier.
Honesty makes life simple.
Honesty makes things less complicated.
Honesty avoids unnecessary miscommunication.
Honesty helps build truthful, deep connections.
#Vulnerable
Through the Lens of Tears
My eyelashes feel so heavy,
I couldn’t see the beautiful sun rays peeking through the trees, though I tried,
These droplets of tears weighing down each strand,
And yet, I am still so lucky.
My eyelashes feel so heavy,
I couldn’t see the beautiful sun rays peeking through the trees, though I tried,
These droplets of tears weighing down each strand,
And yet, I am still so lucky.
#Vulnerable
I Don't Believe in "Out of Sight, Out of Mind"
It's not that I believe in "out of sight, out of mind" - I don't.
It's just that I can't handle digital communication. It over-sensorizes me. (Yes, I made that word up.)
It tires me. It drains me.
I wish I wasn't this way, but I am.
It's not that I believe in "out of sight, out of mind" - I don't.
It's just that I can't handle digital communication. It over-sensorizes me. (Yes, I made that word up.)
It tires me. It drains me.
I wish I wasn't this way, but I am.
#Vulnerable
Everything Should Have Pockets
My newsletter was posted today. I didn’t realize what a nice date today was: 07.07.2020
I wore the same black summer dress these past few days (I have a few of them — all the same). I “installed” pockets into them (I got them sewn in). I love pockets. They are so practical. All articles of clothing should have pockets on my planet.
It was nice to finally catch up on some odds and ends, the last leg of things, without the pressure and rush for time. It took me a long time to get here.
I love the light coming in from my window. I am so lucky and blessed to have such a beautiful view to look at every day.
Unity and I both ate quinoa today. He loves it.
My newsletter was posted today. I didn't realize what a nice date it was: 07.07.2020.
I've been wearing the same black summer dress these past few days (I have a few of them — all the same). I "installed" pockets into them (I got them sewn in). I love pockets. They are so practical. In my opinion, all articles of clothing should have pockets.
It was nice to finally catch up on some odds and ends without the pressure and rush for time. It took me a long time to get here, but I'm grateful to have reached this point of relative calm and organization.
I love the light coming in from my window. I am so lucky and blessed to have such a beautiful view to look at every day.
Unity and I both ate quinoa today. He loves it.
#Vulnerable
The Piano of My Dreams
I dreamt that a new upright piano was brought into my home.
Brand new, fresh from delivery, I stood in awe looking at the piano, marveling at its beauty. I could hear the delivery men chatting away as they were preparing to leave, but I simply ignored it all.
"I can't believe it. A piano, finally, in my own home," I thought. I reflected on how long it had been since I had an actual acoustic piano in my living space - years and years.
I reached out and touched the keys of the piano. The familiar weight and texture beneath my fingertips felt like coming home. I could feel the solid wood, and I felt a profound sense of happiness wash over me. I couldn't believe this was real.
As I woke up from the dream, I could still feel the piano keys under my hands.
I dreamt that a new upright piano was brought into my home.
Brand new, fresh from delivery, I stood in awe looking at the piano, marveling at its beauty. I could hear the delivery men chatting away as they were preparing to leave, but I simply ignored it all.
"I can't believe it. A piano, finally, in my own home," I thought. I reflected on how long it had been since I had an actual acoustic piano in my living space - years and years.
I reached out and touched the keys of the piano. The familiar weight and texture beneath my fingertips felt like coming home. I could feel the solid wood, and I felt a profound sense of happiness wash over me. I couldn't believe this was real.
As I woke up from the dream.
I could still feel the the piano keys under my fingers.
#Vulnerable
The Most Expensive Thing In The World
I've read that a rich person has a lot of money, but a wealthy person has a lot of time. This idea has always intrigued me and made me wonder - what is truly the most expensive thing in the world?
Is it success? Money? Time? Fame? Love? Friends? Family?
When I look around, I see people striving relentlessly, even when they've already attained great wealth, status, and recognition. So what is it they're really after? A sense of achievement? Acknowledgment? Self-worth?
It seems that no matter how much we accumulate in the external world, there is still an underlying hunger that drives us. A hunger that money and material possessions alone cannot satisfy.
Perhaps the most precious, the most expensive commodity of all, is the freedom to live authentically. To feel a profound sense of purpose and fulfillment, not just fleeting success.
For in the end, the most expensive thing we can ever possess is the freedom to live a life that is truly our own.
I've read that a rich person has a lot of money, but a wealthy person has a lot of time. This idea has always intrigued me and made me wonder - what is truly the most expensive thing in the world?
Is it success? Money? Time? Fame? Love? Friends? Family?
When I look around, I see people striving relentlessly, even when they've already attained great wealth, status, and recognition. So what is it they're really after? A sense of achievement? Acknowledgment? Self-worth?
It seems that no matter how much we accumulate in the external world, there is still an underlying hunger that drives us. A hunger that money and material possessions alone cannot satisfy.
Perhaps the most precious, the most expensive commodity of all, is the freedom to live authentically. To feel a profound sense of purpose and fulfillment, not just fleeting success.
For in the end, the most expensive thing we can ever possess is the freedom to live a life that is truly our own.
#Vulnerable
Being With Nature Reminds Me of Who I Am
I haven't been able to hike for many weekends, as I've been catching up with work. But it was really nice to get out on the trail today.
The weather was cloudy and slightly chilly, which was perfect. There was only one other hiker, so it was ideal for social distancing. Unity, my furry companion, had a blast running around off-leash.
At one point, I came across a nice bench where I was able to do some simple sketching. I also collected a few wildflowers to bring home and put in a glass of water by my table. Every time I look at them, it reminds me of the hike, and it makes me smile.
Being immersed in nature has a way of grounding me and reminding me of who I truly am. The fresh air, the gentle sounds of the forest, the opportunity to disconnect from the digital world - it all serves to recenter and rejuvenate my senses.
As an individual with a neurodivergent brain, I find that these moments of solitude and connection with the natural world are essential for my well-being. They allow me to shed the masks and expectations that I often feel compelled to wear in more social settings.
In nature, I can simply be.
I haven't been able to hike for many weekends, as I've been catching up with work. But it was really nice to get out on the trail today.
The weather was cloudy and slightly chilly, which was perfect. There was only one other hiker, so it was ideal for social distancing. Unity, my furry companion, had a blast running around off-leash.
At one point, I came across a nice bench where I was able to do some simple sketching. I also collected a few wildflowers to bring home and put in a glass of water by my table. Every time I look at them, it reminds me of the hike, and it makes me smile.
Being immersed in nature has a way of grounding me and reminding me of who I truly am. The fresh air, the gentle sounds of the forest, the opportunity to disconnect from the digital world - it all serves to recenter and rejuvenate my senses.
As an individual with a neurodivergent brain, I find that these moments of solitude and connection with the natural world are essential for my well-being. They allow me to shed the masks and expectations that I often feel compelled to wear in more social settings.
In nature, I can simply be.
#Vulnerable
Reclaiming My Childhood Focus
One of the things that I have started thinking more and more about these past few months is the many dualities that live within me. One of them is on hyper-focusing. I not only hyper-focus, but I'm also constantly bubbling with new ideas, which means I need to hyper-focus on several tracks concurrently, one at a time (I am horrible at multitasking). Some of these ideas are compelling to me and I have a huge urge to execute them. If I could, I would want to execute them all at the same time. Too bad I don't have 8 arms and 8 brains. (Note to self: research how to grow extra arms and extra brains)
It's common for Aspies/Auties like me to have hyper-focus tendencies. It is also common for us to have ADHD and OCD traits, so I figured "It is just part of my Aspie brain. That's all." However, I now realize that my ADHD and OCD traits may be more than what meets the eye. It has been extremely hard to pinpoint because I am on my own a lot. It's hard to watch and analyze myself from a third person's perspective. I always wondered if I had a camera recording what I'm doing all day, I might be shocked at how Aspie I am.
I tend to forget to eat, go to the bathroom, and sleep when I am focused on something due to my strong hyper-focus tendencies. I don't leave my chair until my task is done. I sleep with a notebook next to my bed where I write down lots of ideas or tasks that I may have forgotten to add to my to-do list. I re-organize my to-do list and my schedule several times a day. I have a google calendar that's scheduled by the hour, a couple of black notebooks for different task categories, a productivity journal (I own about 20 different types and like to switch around), and use index cards for reminders. I have also recently started using Alexa to remind me of any appointments or calls. That way, I don't have to constantly get distracted by checking my calendar every hour. People are amazed by how organized I am. The thing is, I spent A LOT of time making sure I am organized. I do not want to fall short in life, so I constantly worked on improving my executive functioning since I was a little kid.
I have started to ask myself:
"What was going right in my childhood that made me able to focus on the important things better?"
"How can I re-create that environment now, in my adult life?"
"Could it be that my ADHD/ADD and OCD traits are actually more than just me being Aspie?"
Maybe I should get tested. Then I can focus on the solutions.
As I've been reflecting on my life, I've started to ask myself some important questions:
What was going right in my childhood that made me able to focus on the important things better?
How can I re-create that environment now, in my adult life?
Do I have ADHD /ADD?
These questions have been weighing heavily on my mind, as I recognize the need to better understand the nuances of my neurodivergent wiring.
As a child, there were times when I could focus well and thrive. But as an adult, I've found it harder to recapture that sense of clarity and purpose.
The idea of getting tested is both scary and intriguing to me. I'm worried about what the assessment might reveal. But I also really want to understand myself better and find solutions that will help me succeed.
I know I'm capable of so much more than the daily challenges I face now. If there are ways to improve my brain function and focus, and use my strengths more effectively, then I need to explore those options.
#Vulnerable
Dreaming for the Unplugged Life
This past week has been a bit challenging for me. My dad asked me to call him every day for his birthday, and I really wanted to give that to him. I wish we could have been together in person in a sensory-friendly place. But we're not - he lives in a city, and I can't live there. So this wish request was really hard on me. Talking on the phone drains my energy so much. I faced several burnouts and meltdowns trying to fulfill his wish. It's not surprising that I felt guilty for not being able to sustain it.
You see, I am very sensitive to electromagnetic fields (EMFs) from things like phones, computers, TVs, and WiFi. It drains and depletes me. That's why I always put a blanket over my TV when I move somewhere new, and I make sure to turn off my WiFi router at night.
To help with this, I have a new nighttime routine. I unplug my microwave, router, TV, and shut down my iPad and iPhone before bed. This has really helped me sleep deeply and feel more rested.
It was hard to give up my Bose noise-cancelling headphones, but I think the EMFs from them were causing me issues too. Now that I live outside the city, I don't need them as much. But I'll probably get a new pair if I have to go back into the city, especially for trips to the grocery store - those darn background music drives me up the wall!
Finding EMF-free tech is an ongoing challenge, but it's really important for my health. I'm hoping that as more people become aware of this, companies will start making better products for sensitive people like me.
It's not always easy, but I'm learning to embrace my sensitivity. Being a sensitive person has its own strengths and benefits, and I'm grateful to be on a journey of self-discovery.
I am still dreaming of living a fully unplugged life one day...
This past week has been a bit challenging for me. My dad asked me to call him every day for his birthday, and I really wanted to give that to him. I wish we could have been together in person in a sensory-friendly place. But we're not - he lives in a city, and I can't live there. So this wish request was really hard on me. Talking on the phone drains my energy so much. I faced several burnouts and meltdowns trying to fulfill his wish. It's not surprising that I felt guilty for not being able to sustain it.
You see, I am very sensitive to electromagnetic fields (EMFs) from things like phones, computers, TVs, and WiFi. It drains and depletes me. That's why I always put a blanket over my TV when I move somewhere new, and I make sure to turn off my WiFi router at night.
To help with this, I have a new nighttime routine. I unplug my microwave, router, TV, and shut down my iPad and iPhone before bed. This has really helped me sleep deeply and feel more rested.
It was hard to give up my Bose noise-cancelling headphones, but I think the EMFs from them were causing me issues too. Now that I live outside the city, I don't need them as much. But I'll probably get a new pair if I have to go back into the city, especially for trips to the grocery store - those darn background music drives me up the wall!
Finding EMF-free tech is an ongoing challenge, but it's really important for my health. I'm hoping that as more people become aware of this, companies will start making better products for sensitive people like me.
It's not always easy, but I'm learning to embrace my sensitivity. Being a sensitive person has its own strengths and benefits, and I'm grateful to be on a journey of self-discovery.
I am still dreaming of living a fully unplugged life one day...
#Vulnerable
The Cliff and The Sea
I woke up from a disturbing nightmare this morning. I've been having this dream a few times over the past weeks.
In the dream, I was a passenger in a small car, driving up a mountain with someone close to me. We were enjoying the beautiful scenery - the ocean, the colorful sunset, the dramatic clouds. It was a peaceful, serene moment.
But then, suddenly, the car went right over the edge of a cliff. We were plummeting down towards the deep water below. It happened so fast, I didn't even see the cliff coming.
As I sat trapped in the sinking car, I panicked. I tried to stay calm and figure out how to escape, but the pressure of the water was too much. I could feel myself running out of time, the fear of drowning overwhelming me.
Even as I was facing this terrifying situation, the image of that beautiful sunset was still stuck in my mind. It was almost like a cruel contrast to the horror I was experiencing.
And then I woke up. The nightmare was over, but the unsettling feelings remained. I'm not sure what this dream represents - maybe some deeper anxiety or fear in my life. Or maybe it's just my subconscious processing everyday stresses.
I'll hold onto the hope that if I ever do find myself on the edge of a metaphorical cliff, I'll have the strength to find my way back.
I woke up from a disturbing nightmare this morning. I've been having this dream a few times over the past weeks.
In the dream, I was a passenger in a small car, driving up a mountain with someone close to me. We were enjoying the beautiful scenery - the ocean, the colorful sunset, the dramatic clouds. It was a peaceful, serene moment.
But then, suddenly, the car went right over the edge of a cliff. We were plummeting down towards the deep water below. It happened so fast, I didn't even see the cliff coming.
As I sat trapped in the sinking car, I panicked. I tried to stay calm and figure out how to escape, but the pressure of the water was too much. I could feel myself running out of time, the fear of drowning overwhelming me.
Even as I was facing this terrifying situation, the image of that beautiful sunset was still stuck in my mind. It was almost like a cruel contrast to the horror I was experiencing.
And then I woke up. The nightmare was over, but the unsettling feelings remained. I'm not sure what this dream represents - maybe some deeper anxiety or fear in my life. Or maybe it's just my subconscious processing everyday stresses.
I'll hold onto the hope that if I ever do find myself on the edge of a metaphorical cliff, I'll have the strength to find my way back.
#Vulnerable