I Am Human

"Saya Manusia" which means "I Am Human" in English, first came to me in a dream. During this time, I was (and still am) deeply affected by the devastating war in Syria. I was also seriously considering quitting the music business as I was very ill at the time and just could not see how I could go on. Consequently, I refused to put any melody that came into my head down on paper, put all my notebooks away and begged the universe to release me from my calling.

No matter how much I tried to ignore it, the melody playing in my head refused to fade from my consciousness. It started haunting me every night before I went to sleep, keeping me up tossing and turning late into the night. Then it started haunting me during the day, too. Like a persistent ghost, it would not be ignored and refused to let me go. It got so bad that it started to seriously affect my daily activities because I couldn't focus on anything else. But still, I refused to commit the melody in my head to paper, hoping it would fade. Nevertheless, it persisted.

Finally, for my peace of mind, I gave in and wrote down the song. As soon as I did, the melody in my head stopped. I shivered when it happened, as I had experienced the very same thing right after I composed "Katakanlah." Like with "Katakanlah," I knew "Saya Manusia" did not come from me but through me. Getting the song down on paper was like an exorcism of sorts, a divine release.

"Saya Manusia" is about the intense feelings of sadness and frustration I feel about the war in Syria. When I composed this song, I felt the profound grief of a mother who has lost her only son in battle. Heartbroken and devastated, the woman cries out in anguish, cursing God for taking her beloved son away from her and begging Him to take her life as well. I feel this mother's pain as if it were my own. I feel her anguish and desperation at the loss of her son and understand why she begs God to take her, too.

I yearn for the day where there will be no more wars that tear families apart and leave mothers bereft of their children. May this song be a testament to the resilience of the human spirit, even in the face of unimaginable sorrow.

#Vulnerable