I Won't Leave You

There was a special moment in the studio that I didn't quite understand at the time. I was recording a song with a fellow musician, Stolar, for my upcoming album. The song was based on a concept I had for a music video about a woman who saves a stranger's life.

As we were listening to the music and discussing the lyrics, Stolar asked how the concept related to me. I told him it didn't. But Stolar kept pressing, and suddenly I was overcome by a memory of when I tried to save a man's life. I burst into tears, repeating, "People are stupid, people are stupid..."

As an Aspie, processing and communicating these emotions is especially hard for me. I struggle to find the words to express how I feel, which is why music is so important. What I can't say in words, I can convey through my music.

The event I was remembering happened a few years earlier, when I was still living in Malaysia. I was driving through my neighborhood and spotted a man lying on the side of the road, barely conscious. I tried to get people to stop and help me move him into my car, but no one would. They either drove past or stopped, saw what was happening, and then quickly left. I was shocked by their unwillingness to help a dying person.

After finally getting some assistance from a family member, we rushed the man to the hospital. Sadly, he passed away there from a heart attack. I cried when I heard the news, even though I knew I'd done my best to try and save him.

Days later, as I listened back to the song we'd recorded, I still couldn't figure out why I was getting so upset over something that happened so long ago to a stranger. The emotions felt raw and confusing.

In therapy, I finally realized why this memory had such a profound impact on me. Watching people ignore a dying man had deeply disappointed me in humanity. If someone had just stopped to help that day, he might still be alive. That realization, even years later, was crushing.

After some time to process these feelings, I was able to find a sense of peace. I wished the man well, wherever he may be now. And I'm grateful that this song gave me a way to share this experience and start to heal.

#Vulnerable